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REDS BOLT TO
INSURMOUNTABLE LEAD;
XAVIER NADY EMERGES AS
TRIBE’S SECRET WEAPON;
ITCHIE
TAKES JOB AS A POET
One week under our belts, and Magpie has all but sewn up the 2003 HSL
crown with an extremely impressive 497-point bolt from the starting gate.
Never before has any team gone so far so fast, nearly touching the
hallowed 500-point mark just seven days into the campaign. He’s done it
with solid pitching, timely hitting, and savvy managing. He has politely
requested that I send along a brief message to the rest of the league
members, as he grasped at his crotch for what seemed to be an inordinate
amount of time and uttered: “I’ve got your second place right here, pal.”
It looks like the trifecta of second place finishes has hardened the once
affable esquire, turning him into a crusty curmudgeon, hell bent on taking
home this year’s prize. The gloves are off, gentlemen, and may the
luckiest team win.
The standings after week one are as follows:
| 1. |
Sin City Reds |
497 |
| 2. |
West Des Moines Cubs |
413 |
| 3. |
Omaha Senators |
406 |
| 4. |
Kansas City Blues |
391 |
| 5. |
Omaha Red Birds |
360 |
| 6. |
Omaha Skipjacks |
336 |
| 7. |
Lincoln Chiefs |
335 |
| 8. |
Detroit Tigers |
329 |
| 9. |
Lincoln Tribe |
329 |
| 10. |
Omaha Bronx Bombers |
303 |
| 11. |
Lincoln Irates |
283 |
| 12. |
Hanover Wahoos |
272 |
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Alfonso Soriano (not Edgardo Alfonzo, Skipper) leads all hitters with 57.5
points, while Kris Benson jumps out to an early lead in the Cy Young race
with a lofty 50.5 points. Man, it sure is fun getting started again. I’m
just glad my team’s not 225 points out of first already.
CURRENT HAPPENINGS
I was just thinking to myself the other day,
“What a great time to be unemployed.” You know, with summer coming up, I
mentioned to my wife that maybe this year I might just have to take some
time off and play a little golf. It’s nice to have the flexibility
to watch the NCAA title game without worrying about the consequences of
the Tuesday morning hangover; nice to tune in to the Master’s during the
day; and nice to cash in on the baseball magazine/quart of Schlitz Malt
Liquor combo special at the local Amoco on Saturday morning (brown wrapper
included).
But best of all, it’s nice to be able to focus on
baseball, baseball, baseball. Some of my astute observations thus far:
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Big Guy continues
his 14 year string of bad luck, with his high priced shortstop Derek Jeter
going down hard just three games into the season. Maybe Steinbrenner was
right about this candy ass not being ready to play. Don’t fret, Big Guy,
you’ve got 49 year old Barry Larkin waiting in the wings. |
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In the “strange
but true” category, since 1988, Mr. Drew’s Tigers have won the HSL
crown in each and every year that Kansas has won the NCAA basketball
championship (1988). What does that tell us about the fate of this year’s
Tigers? |
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I just love the
free agent drafts. After spending nearly six hours putting together our
rosters at the draft, and inciting a firestorm of controversy including
the threat of egg timers and Pavlov’s buzzers at next year’s draft, nearly
10% of the players drafted are thrown on to the scrap heap at the first
available opportunity. No less than 30 players found their way into
the dumpster last night, with everyone looking to catch the proverbial
lightning in a bottle. |
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Underbelly and
Mouse led the way, each casting off five misfits while latching on to the
likes of Xavier Nady, Rocco Baldelli, and the “automatic four easy outs”
Brent Mayne. Who will be this year’s Vincente Padilla? Has the
Tribe pulled off the coup of the year? |
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Shamu* seems to
have pulled off the biggest miracle of the free agent draft, drafting four
players while releasing three. |
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Around the horn in
the bigs, the season started off with a number of surprises, not the least
of which is Stretch’s beloved Royals starting 5-0, matching their win
total of last year. |
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A number of aces
got ripped in their initial outing, ending up on the wrong side of the
win-loss column. RJ looked human, Glavine looked normal, and my own
trio of Mulder, Moyer, and Miller (3M) each threw up a number in the red.
I guess since I finally took Jamie Moyer, this is the year that big league
hitters decided that maybe they can hit a 68 mph fastball after all. |
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Can Dusty Baker
turn the Cubs around and bring the excitement of a playoff race back to
Chicago? He has the horses in Prior, Wood, Alou, and Sosa, and who can
forget future Hall of Famer Corey Patterson and his 7 rbi on opening day?
Exciting days at Wrigley lie ahead. |
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Will anyone ever
draft Ken Griffey, Jr. again? Not since Chris Brown slept on his eyelid
crooked has there been such disappointment in an early season injury.
Junior is still young enough to have some great years ahead of him, but I
like my chances at Ameristar a little better than the odds of him
returning to any hint of greatness. |
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Are Maddux and the
Braves heading straight south, or is it too early to write off the
division winning dynasty they have established over the past decade? Me
thinks they’ve got some issues, and the departure of Millwood and Glavine
will hurt more than they could have imagined.
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I’ll leave you with a little poem that I put together in preparation for
the brilliant literary career that awaits me, someplace, sometime. Since
this is really all about me, I’ve taken the time to assess all 28 of this
year’s Skipjax, from A to Z.
- A is for A-Rod, he with the bad neck
- B is for Biggio, who’s older than heck
- C is for Chavez, and all the runs he’s plated
- D is for Dreifort, he’s so overrated
- E is for Errors, Erubiel and Eaton
- F is for French coon, Jacque Jones is a sweet one
- G is for gumption, these Skipjax have plenty
- H for Hidalgo, who’ll hit you .220
- I is for Itchie, and this line ain’t rhymin
- J Johan Santana, his splitter’s a killer
- K K’s what I look for from Armas, Mulder, and Miller
- L is for Lackey, Lidle, and Long
- M Moyer and those three might soon get the gong
- N No way can Andy Fox or Mark Ellis hit
Both of these infielders, pieces of ….
- O for Octavio, seems he invented the hold
- P Piazza and Pierzynski have started off cold
- Q is for Question marks, of those I have plenty
A good week seems to be about two hundred twenty
- R Royal Febles, Red Casey, Met Floyd
- S is for Shell game, with me they have toyed
- T for Tatis, his ears are a killer
- U Underbelly, kin ewe help mie spel Godziller
- V for Chris Singleton, I guess that’s a stretch…never mind
- W Williams and Wagner, their fastballs do whiz
- X is for xylophone, it always is
- Y is for yakker, along with high heat
- Z is for Zach, like my kid and Z. Wheat |
