2003 Season

Slow Writer,

Well, this is like every test or report I have ever done in high school or those two classes I had at the Community College: Last minute. Like I told Bob two weeks ago: I gots nothing!

Just a couple things. One note, Mr. Red Chirpee, I have been seen around without Bob at my side, I have three kids playing soccer and not once have I seen UBob there.

Speaking of the hair challenged one, I'm sick of his references to my growing old not so gracefully. Remember, you are five days older than me, you old fart.

I'm a little dizzy up here in the 7th place position but not as much as I was two weeks ago when I held the 3rd place spot and had already purchased those wife-beater T shirts at the Kmart going out of business sale. I had a picture in mind of a Pirate doin' his cabin boy over the guardrail with a face like George W. Bush! Sorry about that, Chirpee and Friar Chuck, just in case your rebornness doesn't allow homosexuals in your religion. Just out of curiosity, Chuck, did you find the Lord after that Devil Johnny threw your Milwaukee Cushion out onto the field and another one came out of the sky and landed at your feet? I was saying my prayers that night when Blongo was driving 90 miles an hour back to our hotel room and Big Guy looked like a bobble-head doll in the seat in front of me.

In conclusion, my job is to print words, not to write them, and I'm tired of hunting and pecking. Please, Linda, if you will straighten this mess out for me, you know, like you do for that sorry ass Dave every day. If I have not offended everyone, I'll get it done next time.

Yours truly,

The Irate Pirate

P.S. One baseball story. Back when Tommy LaSorda was the third base coach for the Dodgers, they were playing the Reds on TV. Pete Rose was playing third base for the Reds and Lasorda yelled at Pete that the Dodgers had taken a vote and said Pete was the second-best looking buy on the team. Mr. Intensity tried to ignore him. Finally acknowledged Tommy and he replied, "The rest of the team tied for first." Well, that's it. I'm off like a dirty shirt.

POINT TOTALS FOR WEEK 9

1.	Senators	448.0
2.	Tigers	374.5
3.	Skipjacks	360.0
4.	Chiefs	357.5
5.	Cubs*	350.0
6.	Red Birds	342.0
7.	Wahoos	340.5
8.	Blues	329.0
9.	Tribe	323.0
10.	Irates	297.5
11.	Bombers	272.0
12.	Reds	194.0

WEEK 9 STANDINGS

THROUGH June 1, 2003

1.	Skipjacks	3410.0
2.	Senators	3281.5
3.	Blues	3164.0
4.	Red Birds	3162.5
5.	Cubs*	3148.0
6.	Reds	3089.0
7.	Irates	3062.0
8.	Wahoos	3045.5
9.	Chiefs	2979.0
10.	Bombers	2931.5
11.	Tigers	2892.0
12.	Tribe	2725.0

PLAYER RANKINGS

	Pos.	Player	Pts.	PPG
12	C	Posado	244	5.0
		Javy Lopez	206	5.2
		Santiago	192	4.6
2	1B	Delgado	294	5.2
7		Helton	257	4.5
17		Edgar	228	4.7
1	2B	Boone	296	5.5
2		Soriano	294	5.3
9		Kent	253	4.6
14	3B	Lowell	234	4.1
15		Rolen	233	4.2
		Boone	208	3.7
4	SS	ARod	282	5.1
7		Furcal	257	4.6
10		Nomar	249	4.7
19		Cabrera	224	3.9
19		Gonzalez	224	4.5
6	LF	Pujols	268	5.0
11		Everett	248	5.0
18		Bonds	225	5.0
13	CF	Wells	239	4.1
16		Wilson	229	4.1
		Jones	218	4.0
5	RF	Sheffield	280	5.3
19		Kearns	224	4.1
		Mondesi	217	3.9

PITCHER RANKINGS

	Pos.	Player	Pts.	PPG
1	SP	Brown	243	20.2
4		Morris	229	19.1
5		Loaiza	222	20.1
6		Mulder	220	20.0
7		Mussina	219	19.9
8		Williams	214	19.4
10		Millwood	203	16.9
13		Schmidt	196	19.6
14		Prior	195	17.7
15		Nomo	189	15.7
16		Zito	185	15.4
19		Schilling	178	17.8
19		Wells	178	16.2
		Hudson	173	14.4
		Wolf	173	14.4
		Wood	173	14.4
12	MR	Dotel	197	7.3
		Lidge	164	6.1
		Donnelly	150	6.5
1	CL	Smoltz	243	9.0
3		Gagne	232	8.6
9		Wagner	209	7.5
11		Faulke	200	8.3
17		Biddle	181	6.7
18		Guardado	180	7.8