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As I sit down to scribe my second attempt of “The Mousetrap” I find my
team sitting in an all too familiar 11th place, but I keep reminding
myself and my home grown “reminder of my futility” (Wells) ,who updates me
daily on my poor position, that there is half a season to go and I only
need 7 of my players to have career second halfs of the season to be
competitive. So where is the challenge in that? It’s all in how you look
at it and I will cling to the positive spin until Big Guy is willing to
trade me Juan Gonzalez for Vlad Guerrero. Or have the Senators already
cornered the market on trading away damaged goods for certain proven
superstar leftfielders? Just a break here or there and I’m right back in
it for 9th place. Watch out Wahoos, here come the Bombers!!
The All- Star Game
As I watched the finals of the Home-run Derby Monday
night I could only liken the excitement shown by Garret Anderson accepting
the The trophy for winning the Derby and subsequent awarding of $250000
from Century 21 to Johnny Hasick towards the purchase of a new home to the
blight of Major League Baseball today. In case you didn’t see it, MLB had
an overweight, balding, front office accountant present the trophy to a
less than thrilled Garret Anderson who showed virtually no emotion, only
then to be interviewed by some bimbo who had to read everything off of cue
cards!! As the interview is plodding along, the Century 21 execs are
scrambling to get their sign, themselves, and lucky Johnny Hasick in
position for their presentation of the $250000 check. As the cue-card
reading bimbo moves towards them, Garret Anderson is rolling his eyes with
the “Get me out of here ASAP I am bored to death” look. But Johnny Hasick
would not let Garret rain on his parade, no sirree, lucky Johnny was on
cloud nine, jumping and shouting and thanking everybody from God on down
for his fortunate good luck, back-slapping the Century21 execs, trying to
fondle the cue-card bimbo, (Oops, I’m sorry, that was Chuck Sigerson)
thanking Garret and congratulating him for winning the Derby. All Johnny
needed was a sombrero to make his Jumping Mexican Hat Dance complete.
Pure unadulterated fun and excitement. All the while, Garret stood
there motionless, with that aforementioned look, not even attempting to
shake Johnny’s hand, yawn!! Finally, Johnny went over and shook Garret’s
hand before he could walk off the set.
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To me,
this little episode just epitomizes what is wrong with MLB today. You have
“Joe Average” fan that is excited as can be to be close to a ballplayer
and the ballplayer could care less about the fan. That attitude is
everywhere , (I won’t go into my feelings about Barry Bonds dissing Babe
Ruth at this time) from the Major League players to the Omaha Royals and
it is why the fan attendance is down!! Enough said, to be continued in the
third inning of game 2 in Cincinnati!!
Vintage Baseball
Last month Channel 6 did a story on “Vintage Baseball”
that caught my attention since I had also read an article on it in March
and thought maybe this was something the HSL could consider. I mean if
Rickey Henderson can still play in the Big Leagues we could certainly hold
our own in the gentlemen’s game of vintage baseball. We are all still able
bodied, legends in our own minds, kind of guys and we might even surprise
ourself’s with the baseball ability still in our bodies. (Just remember,
it never hurts till the next day anyway!). But I think I know someone near
and dear to us that could design and provide vintage baseball uniforms for
us. And I also know of a particular baseball field we could practice on.
And what better excuse to get together for some male bonding. Something to
think about and to be discussed further in the 8th and 9th inning of game
1 in Cincinnati.
Modern Term Vintage Term
Player --- Ballist
Team --- Nine,Match,Club or Side
Pitcher --- Hurler
Catcher --- Behind
Basemen --- Base-Tenders
Shortstop --- Short Scout
Batter --- Striker or Batsman
Groundball --- Bug-Bruiser,Daisy Cutter,Grass Clipper
Flyball --- Cloud Hunter,Sky Scraper, Sky-er
Fans --- Cranks, Bugs, or Rooters
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Mouse’s Minute
Some final thoughts and meanderings before I bring this
to a close…
If Rickey Henderson is 44 and still playing in the Majors what does that
say about us?…
And how would he fit into our rating of the most athletic HSL member from
a few years back?…
Then why are we dissing him?..
What was Kobe thinking?…
Can he blame it on a “Rocky Mountain High”?…
Has Clinton called him to offer solace yet and help him define the legal
terms?..
Who wouldn’t like to be Ben Curtis today?…
Tiger who?…
Bonds dissing Ruth, give me a break!…
Good Luck to all!!
See you in Cincinnati!!
Mouse
Skipper’s Think Tank
Many thanks to Possum for authoring last
week’s newsletter, which was only a few days late and was almost readable
in a single sitting. A well-grounded effort which contained very little of
his usual bizarre blather. I guess we’re finally dumbing him down. |
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A couple of questions which came to mind while reading the Wahoo Wonker:
(1) If Possum’s dad really named him after the Splendid Splinter, why is
there no Edson L. Williams III in the Hall of Fame? (2) Was Edson IV (Max)
also named after Ted Williams? Or after Max Patkin? Or Maxwell Smart? (3)
If Possum’s “reversion to the mean” theorem holds water, then we should
expect he and Big Guy to start winning HSL championships by the bushel
basketful again real soon, since the two of them combined to win all five
of the first quintet of HSL crowns. Now that
Magpie has Randy Johnson back on the beam and all of his heavy hitters
healthy and hitting, watch out for the Red Storm Rising in the second
half. The Reds definitely look like they may be the team to beat.
Like the desperate stock trader that he just swapped
with, Itchie seems hell-bent on turning his whole team over at least once
this season. Ever desperate for hitting points, Itchie recently bit the
bullet and actually consummated a trade with the Possum, giving up both
Wade Miller and Mark Mulder for Carlos “Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee”
Delgado. Whether this most recent trade can slow down Itchie’s certain
descent to 5th or 6th place remains to be seen. More likely, he has merely
allowed Possum to avoid challenging Big Guy for the league outhouse.
Tirebiter’s charges have suddenly got red hot. Could
this be the year that the ’Birds finally finish in the money after a long,
long financial drought for this troubled franchise?
Tune in next issue for more spellbinding commentary.
Skipper
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