Inside the mind of Stretch McBlunder, Manager
Kansas City Blues
New scientific breakthroughs have now permitted qualified scientific
personnel to do brain scans of individuals and report their random
thoughts. Always one to be at the forefront of humanity and wishing to
help in any way toward the advancement of modern science and medicine,
Stretch McBlunder, not being concerned about the possibility of personal
exposure and embarrassment or the potential of dangerous political and
social consequences of such a test, volunteered for such a test. A
portion of the results are being shared with his close friends in the
Hot Stove League. Here are some random, not verbally expressed,
subconscious brain waves and thought patterns of Stretch McBlunder on a
random day in August 2003 (Disclaimer: the following is not for
widespread dissemination as these tests are closely guarded government
secrets, so Jenna, don’t tell anybody this stuff is available on the
Internet. Also, this is not for the faint at heart, you should
probably avoid having your children read this weeks League Newsletter.):
Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap,
crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, blah, blah blah blah
blah blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah blah. How does one drop from 3rd
to 11th in a matter of 3 weeks????????crap crap crap crap crap,
blah blah blah blah, sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex, oh why bother
crap crap crap crap crap. I am so tired of Pete Rose. He makes me sick.
Get a life, get off television. Why do those idiots in Bristol Conn. Keep
putting him on. Crap crap crap crap, blah blah blah blah. Sex sex sex sex
sex sex sex, oh why bother crap crap crap crap crap blah blah blah blah,
Maybe I can be governor of California, crap crap crap crap, blah blah
blah, legal crap legal crap legal crap legal crap legal crap, legal blah
legal blah blah, legal crap, legal blah. How hot has Mulder been since I
picked Moyer instead, absolutely white hot, complete games complete games,
why do I not get complete games. Trades suck Don’t even think about trying
to get me to trade with you in Cincy. Crap crap crap, sex sex sex sex sex
sex sex sex sex, oh why bother. My starting center fielder is Endy Chavez
aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh crap crap crap crap blah blah blah, Is Scott
renting out his house in Eagle Colo. to the Kobe legal team???????? Is
that going to be the most over hyped trial in a long line of over hyped
trials. I am so sick of it already. Blah blah blah crap crap crap
crap. Bobby Valentine sucks, long live HR, crap crap crap crap crap How
come no bonus points for an unassisted triple play, this league sucks,
blah blah blah blah crap crap crap crap sex sex sex sex sex sex sex oh why
bother crap crap crap crap crap more crap more crap more crap. Must get me
some chili in Cincinnati crap crap crap. Good thing the Giants are there
because the team the Reds are putting out there now is an embarrassment.
Comm. Selig should have put a stop to their wholesale slaughter of their
team. Crap crap crap crap crap crap crap Larry Flynt might make a good
governor. Crap crap crap crap blah blah blah. Royals are still going to
pull it out. Even if they don’t, who cares. They have given us a reason
to watch the games again, it has been the best summer in KC for a long
time, even without a drop of rain. Crap crap crap crap crap crap crap blah
blah blah blah, If Tony Pena doesn’t win Manager of the year and Angel
Berroa win Rookie of the Year there will need to be criminal indictments
handed out because serious crimes will have been committed. Crap crap
crap crap crap crap blah blah blah blah. Maybe I’ll get a tattoo or maybe
I’ll just get an ice cream cone crap crap crap crap crap.blah blah blah
blah blah How does one qualify for a save? Does anybody know the
answer? Does anyone in a bar in Pittsburg know?? crap crap crap crap crap
crap blah blah blah blah As of week 9 I was in 3rd place. As
late as week 10 4th place. How can the Blues fall so far so
fast. It couldn’t be bad managing. Must be injuries. Blah blah blah blah
blah blah blah blah crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap. Bring
back Soup Campbell. I’d take Dibble over Valentine even. Crap crap crap
crap crap crap crap blah blah blah blah blah blah blah sex sex sex sex
sex sex sex Oh why bother, My kingdom for an intelligent client crap crap
crap crap blah blah blah blah The new book by David Halberstam,
“Teammates” about Ted Williams, Dom DiMaggio, Johnny Pesky is a really
nice little read .I have never been a huge Williams fan (Sorry Ted), but
you do come to appreciate him a little more after reading this. You
really come to admire Dom DiMaggio, especially after I just finished
reading a Joe DiMaggio biography. Halberstam continues to be an
outstanding writer. Pick up anything he has written and you will enjoy.
Blah blah blah blah blah blah crap crap crap crap crap Sports Illustrated
did a pretty good job on the best sports books of all time and the recent
best sports movies. My only problem was with the exclusion of “For the
Love of the Game” the Costner film of a few years ago. I may be the only
one on the planet, but I enjoyed it and thought it should be in the top
50. Crap crap crap crap crap blah blah blah blah blah I’m spending too
much time watching the Food Channel. Blah blah blah blah blah crap crap
crap crap crap crap Football practice starts in a week, what am I doing
coaching football?? What am I doing coaching anything??? crap crap crap
crap crap crap blah blah blah blah blah sex sex sex sex sex sex sex Oh why
bother. Is that lint in my belly button...must be...must be time to end
this. See you in Cincy. |
No individual point totals, or Who’s Hot and Who’s Not stocking
stuffers for Week 18 as Skipper was on vacation and Tirebiter claims that he is
too busy with legal work to attend to such silliness.
Bullpen Calls
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For those of you who have not been frequenting the league website, and in
particular the Message Board, you need to get on the stick as the action
over the wires has been hotter and heavier than Shamu* after a run through
the Valentino’s buffet line. If you’re not in on the action, you’re on the
outside looking in. |
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But there is a hue and cry to limit messages to 10,000 words or less. If
anyone needs to understand why, turn to Possum’s offering on Message No. 170
on August 1 and you will quickly understand. Tolstoy runs out of words
before Possum even gets his word processor warmed up. |
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I recently read that Dan Plesac, who has been pitching in the majors since
1986, has now struck men out in 42 different ballparks. All of the same
parks that I have been to, save the old parks in Kansas City and
Minneapolis, I assume, plus Comerica in Detroit and the Great American
Ballpark in Cincinnati. Other than Great American Ballpark, perhaps, I
assume that Rickey Henderson has stolen bases in all of these same
ballparks, and maybe one or two others which closed down before Plesac came
into the league. I’ll have our research department get right on that. |
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By the way, when Billy Mueller hit his grand slams from both sides of the
plate last month, he became the first major leaguer ever to do this in a
game, that is, to hit a grannie from both sides of the plate. Amazing that
a feat like this would be accomplished by someone who could be called a
Punch and Judy hitter. |
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Did anybody see Robin Ventura’s quote last week after he hit his first-ever
inside-the-park home run? Ventura quipped that, “Normally, a guy has
to go on the DL for me to even get a triple,” or words to that
effect. Great line. |
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The Detroit Tigers just lost their 82nd game, assuring them of their 10th
consecutive losing season. How sad to see this once-proud franchise so
completely out of contention these days, not unlike their namesake in the
Hot Stove League. And while on the subject of storied franchises suffering
lean times, the Beantowners from Boston, who haven’t won a World Series
since 1918, look to have a team that could actually compete with the
Yankees, with the late-season pitching acquisitions made by Theo Epstein.
Could this be the year that the luckless New Englanders finally break the
curse of the Bambino? Don’t bet against them. |
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As pointed out by someone else recently, Shamu’s* total team points during
Week 18 was the second lowest of the year, and has effectively dropped the
Cubs* out of contention, at least for now. I am amazed at how a team
like the Cubs* can score over 500 points one week, and the same team
can then have a sub-200 point week. Another case in point is the Reds,
who right now look like the team to beat, at least on paper, and when you
look at their starting lineup which includes Bagwell, Frank Thomas, Nomar
Garciaparra, the red-hot Marcus Giles, Andruw Jones, Chipper Jones, Tim
Salmon and a vaunted pitching staff, you can see how they are scoring at the
clip of 400 and 500 points a week. The question is, how did this team
manage to post nine sub-200 point totals during Week 9 when the Reds
notched the measly total of 194 points. Same team? It is sometimes a
painful and humbling game. |
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