Here are the standing for this week:

Wahoo's……………….9547 pts

Skipjacks………………9458 pts

Redbirds……………….9289 pts

Senators………….…….9123 pts

Tigers…………………..9111 pts

Reds…………………….8759 pts

Cubs*…………………...8658 pts

Pirates…………………..8246 pts

Bombers………………...7952 pts

Blues…………………….7841 pts

Tribe……………………..5425 pts

OK, I made them up. I just didn't have the energy to go look them up. It means going over to some other web site and doing a lot of typing and copying and, well, you get the picture. When I dropped out of the upper division the "Care" key on my computer disappeared.

It's amazing what I'm able to accomplish with just a high school education. I still have enough candle power upstairs to decipher the guest columnist schedule, even when I don't give a shit, while my more celebrated cerebral counterparts continue to fight it like a Chinese finger trap. You guys are setting a pretty poor example for us little mullets. That little exercise in brain power alone only goes to convince me that this thing is won purely on luck.

To take Chuck's theory just a little further in defining the larger market teams from the smaller market teams, one has to only look at the roster of would-be gamblers clamoring to go to the boats after our draft. These usual suspects also top the list of past champions of our league. Is this just a coincidence or is there something to this? Big Guy did a good job of pointing out that the real money players in our league are usually drafted in the middle rounds after we're through taking all the "great" players that had a monster year the year before. Trust me, everyone knows everyone, so there are no surprises. As Chuck pointed out, we are all privy to the same information, so what makes one group of owners select those middle round plums while the others don't? It all goes back to the boats. I've been to the boats 7 or 8 times and been to Vegas a number of times and have never had any success in gambling. Never. My guess is that our larger market team owners have. Am I a bad gambler if I can't get 4 of the Beverly Hillbilly's to line up on a slot machine? Am I a bad card player if I stand with 2 face cards and the dealer somehow remarkably is able to take 5 cards that add up to 21? Some people are lucky in different areas; some aren't. Am I suddenly going to become a lucky gambler? Am I suddenly going to become lucky at the draft? Probably not. Fortunately, luck spreads itself out. I have a great union printing job, a healthy, wonderful family, I'm able to figure out the guest columnist list with just a glance, and I have a full head of hair. I'm just not lucky when it comes to random chance. I'm sure half of you don't agree with this theory and are convinced that you're on the cutting edge of baseball knowledge and half of you probably tend to agree with the luck theory. So don't break your hand patting yourself on the back if you're lucky, and don't get too down if you're not. It is what it is.

Personally, I just think its fun. So good luck to whoever is leading, and good luck to whoever is chasing him.

See you next year.

A priest and a lawyer are walking down the street and happen upon a playground where there are a group of 7 and 8 year old boys playing. The priest looks over at the lawyer and with a twinkle in his eyes, says "Do you want to do them?"

"Outta what" the lawyer replies.

(Editor’s note: Assuming that I probably would not receive a newsletter offering from SloPay, I prepared the following Bullpen fodder for league consumption. Having now received Underbelly’s, I mean SloPay’s, offering, I include both.

Through 24 weeks of the 2004 Hot Stove League campaign, a mere 97 points separates the 1st place Wahoos from the 5th place Skipjacks, and on a Projected Points basis, a mere 1/2 point separates the projected champion Redbirds (9030.5) from the projected bridesmaid Senators (9030.0). Wow. Now that’s what I’m talking about.

Since SloPay has failed to accurately include the league standings and point totals in his (right) little ditty above, I have been forced to take the reins back in hand and provide you with the numbers this week, together with the following league commentary and other delightful information:

And the weekly point totals for last week:

How many of you were aware that Robin Ventura hit two grand slams within the span of eight days about three weeks ago? I noticed this in my nightly review of the box scores back on September 7, and was somewhat surprised that the Fourth Estate didn’t make a bigger deal out of it. Why? Because two grand slams in eight days is no small feat, for one thing, but also because these grannies were career slams Nos. 17 and 18 for Rockin’ Robin, putting him in some very exclusive company.

Prior to his big week, Ventura was at 16 tied for 6th place on the All-Time Grand Slams list with Hank Aaron, Babe Ruth, and Dave Kingman, putting him ahead of such round-tripping studs as Mark McGwire (14 career grannies), Griffey Jr. (14), the great DiMaggio (13), Kiner (13), Banks (12), and the surfeit of studs with 11: Bench, Bonds, Carter, Fielder, Greenberg, Reggie, Killebrew, Palmeiro, Stargell and Winfield. And by the way, Devon White, strangely enough, also has 11 career grand slams.

Anyway, when Robin hit his 17th grand slam on August 30, he moved into a tie with Ted Williams and Jimmie Foxx for 4th on the All-Time list. Not satisfied to be in the company of these two greats, Robin hit a pinch-hit grand slam on September 7, giving him 18 career slams, tying Willie "Stretch" McCovey for 3rd on the All-Time list, just one behind Eddie Murray (19), and five behind the Iron Horse, who leads the pack with 23.

It occurred to me that Robin has probably been one of the most efficient grand slam hitters in history, given the fact that he has only played for sixteen seasons, and so I decided to take a look at the number of career at-bats for our grand slam leaders, and to calculate which of these players has the best grand slams-to-at bats ratio. Here are my findings:

As you can plainly see, in terms of grand slam efficiency (defined as number of at-bats to produce one grand slam), Robin Ventura is No. 2 on the All-Time list with a ratio of 391.67 to 1, not far behind the Iron Horse in his 347.87 ratio. And who is the third most efficient grand slam hitter of all time? None other than "Kong" Kingman, who produced 16 grand slams in only 16 years of play, for a grand slam ratio of 417.31. Wow.

Since Screech pulled a Possum and completely blew us off with his guest newsletter for last week –– no doubt wanting to slight the old Skipper whose 500+-point week set the mark for the league –– I have provided Linda with the point totals and standings through Week 23 of the season and she has posted them on the 2004 Weekly Point Totals and 2004 Weekly Standings pages. League officials will meet later in the week to determine the amount of Screech’s fine for spacing off of his scribing duties.

Have a good weekend.

                                                                        Skipper