2004 Season

 

   2004 Season

Edition No. 30

September 26, 2004

 

 

SON OF LUCIFER TOPS STANDINGS,

POISED TO TAKE FOURTH TITLE

 

Men:

 

If anyone had any doubts about whether Possum is in league with the devil, these doubts have surely been forever cast asunder by the performance of Possumís Wahoos this past fortnight. How else to explain the uncanny pitching performances of each and every member of Possumís starting staff, beginning with Schilling and ending with Trachsel, who last night threw yet another beauty and notched 22 positive points for Possumís team.

 

Not that Iím one to suck on sour grapes or anything, but in twenty years of Hot Stove League competition, Iíve never seen anything like it.  While Possumís hitters are all rightfully handcuffed and leg-shackled by the hitting points caps (with the Wahoos currently receiving no points for home runs or walks, and about to cap out on runs scored), the íHoosí staff has suddenly turned into a buzz-saw corps of Cy Young candidates who refuse to do anything but toss quality start gems and log boatloads of points for the once dead-in-the-water Wahoos. With only four days left to go in the season, and most of the MLB playoffs spots spoken for, it looks like an insurmountable task to overtake the Wahoos and thwart his bid for a fourth team championship. Methinks it is all over except the crying and whining.

 

Depressed as I am over current events, I am not absolved of my duty to post the standings through 25 weeks of the season, ending on Sunday, September 26, 2004, as follows:

 

Week 25 Standings

 

1.

  Wahoos

9473.0

2.

  Senators

9413.0

3.

  Redbirds

9407.0

4.

  Tigers

9396.0

5.

  Skipjacks

9347.5

6.

  Reds

8985.5

7.

  Chiefs

8435.0

8.

  Irates

8432.0

9.

  Bombers

8424.5

10.

  Cubs*

8331.5

11.

  Blues

8163.0

12.

  Tribe

5967.0

 

For Week 25, the point totals for our league were as follows:

 

Week 25 Point Totals

 

1.

  Reds

359.5

2.

  Senators

338.0

3.

  Wahoos

336.5

4.

  Tigers

326.5

5.

  Skipjacks

308.0

6.

  Chiefs

301.5

7.

  Redbirds

296.5

8.

  Bombers

288.5

9.

  Cubs*

278.5

10.

  Blues

273.5

11.

  Irates

232.5

12.

  Tribe

159.0

 

INDIVIDUAL LEADERS

 

HITTERS

 

1.

  Barry Bonds

847.0

2.

  Albert Pujols

737.0

3.

  Miguel Tejada

720.0

4.

  Adrian Beltre

709.0

5.

  Todd Helton

687.0

6.

  Jim Edmonds

684.0

7.

  Bobby Abreu

681.0

8.

  Manny Ramirez

675.0

9.

  Lance Berkman

674.0

10.

  J.D. Drew

668.0

11.

  Vladimir Guerrero

667.0

12.

  Carlos Beltran

665.0

13.

  Mark Loretta

657.0

14.

  Gary Sheffield

651.0

15.

  David Ortiz

645.0

 

PITCHERS

 

1.

  Johan Santana

660.0

2.

  Randy Johnson

602.0

3.

  Eric Gagne

591.0

4.

  Mariano Rivera

584.0

5.

  Curt Schilling

572.0

6.

  Brad Lidge

569.0

7.

  Roger Clemesn

542.0

8.

  Jason Schmidt

541.0

9.

  Ben Sheets

529.0

10.

  Armando Benitez

523.0

11.

  Joe Nathan

522.0

12.

  Jason Isringhausen

516.0

13.

  Francisco Cordero

511.0

14.

  Francisco Rodriguez

496.0

15.

  John Smoltz

493.0

 

FROM THE WHINE CELLAR

 

Not that Iím the kind of guy to bitch and moan about personal misfortune or anything, but if it wasnít for bad luck, my team would have no luck at all. By way of example, please note that the Senators pitchers have posted a total of 117 quality starts, yet have only managed to capture a total of 86 wins, through Monday night. Contrast this with the staff of the Wahoos, who have managed to post a total of 98 wins out of their 104 quality starts. Whereís the fairness in that? As my wife would say, "fair" is something that comes to Douglas County once a year, nothing more, nothing less. 

 

If anyone suggests that Senatorial mismanagement may have played a part in my teamís undoing, such as my recent promotion of Roy Halladay and my demotion of Mark Buehrle and Bronson Arroyo (leaving 50-plus points in my minors), youíve just invited yourself to a bare knuckles fistfight with Herr Skipper, and you better pack a lunch. If youíre not moving ahead, youíre moving backwards, I always say.

 

In any event, I'm tired, I'm upset, I'm confused, and at 2:00 a.m. on Wednesday morning, itís time to get this weekís publication of From the Bullpen to the editorís desk, and weíll let the chips fall where they may. But know this: If Possumís monkeyshines and tomfoolery persist throughout these last four days of the season, there will be a Congressional inquiry which will make Watergate, Iran-gate, and the Whitewater investigation look like a tea and crumpets party hosted by Savannahís Brownie Troop No. 17.

 

As you were.

 

 

Skipper

 

 

 
 

 

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