·        It appears obvious to me that the decline in offensive numbers is directly related to the new steroid testing policy.  I disagree with Ted on the overall effect.  I think that steroids allows a player to hit the ball harder, and even if it doesn’t go out of the park, if it gets to a hole in the infield quicker, it adds up to more hits.  I wouldn’t be surprised if more than half of the players were on the juice, and that Jose Canseco is probably more accurate than his detractors.

·        I found a couple of good web sites related to baseball:  The first is an article entitled “Baseball’s Cruel Political Satire” in which Al Gore and George W. Bush supposedly answered questions about baseball.  While I question whether it is legitimate, it’s still a funny article. You can read it at www.mattwelch.com/OJRsave/OJRsave/BaseballSatire.htm

·        Another great site for baseball fans is www.baseball-almanac.com/humomenu.shtml  This site has the transcripts of Abbott & Costello’s “Who’s on First” routine; the testimony of Casey Stengel and Mickey Mantle before the Senate Anti-Trust and Monopoly hearings in 1958; and all of David Letterman’s Top Ten Lists about baseball, including such gems as “Top Ten Ways to Mispronounce Kirby Puckett.”

·        I see that the Irates’ on-again, off-again love affair with Juan Gonzalez was recently ended when Igor was demoted from their active roster.

·        The Senators are making a little bit of a run, having scratched and clawed their way into the position of King Mullet (top of the Lower Division). 

·        Too bad for the Redbirds about the injuries to Vlad Guerrero and Mark Loretta.  The Redbirds have a solid team, but might suffer while these two are out.

·        Why can’t I ever get a third baseman that can score points?  I thought I might have broken my 16 year jinx by taking Beltre, but he remembered that he isn’t a Skipjack, and decided to suck again.  I had Mike Schmidt retire on me.  I personally snapped Wade Boggs’ string of seven straight years of 200 hits and 100 runs when I drafted him first overall in 1990.  The last good third baseman I had was HoJo.  At least I didn’t announce that I was finally going to have a good third baseman, ala Stretch, who took Scott Rolen and Melvin Mora, both under-performing to date. 

·        Who’s suffered more pain from Nomar’s groin surgery, Underbelly or Mia Hamm?  Thanks, Beautiful.

·        Will Mouse get the ultimate gift by having the Rocket traded to the Yankees?

·        Thanks, Magpie, for throwing Jay Gibbons on the recycling heap. 

·        I still get a chuckle thinking about the look on Scott’s face (like a cat who just swallowed the canary) as he pointed out the starting outfield for the Senators was “Winn, Mench and Bigbie.”

**

If anyone heretofore doubted the existence of the sheer capacity of Itchie Magic, such doubting Thomases are surely believers now.  The first seven weeks of this season have proved beyond a doubt that it really doesn’t matter what kind of team Itchie drafts in this league, because his Midas touch will convert even the rattiest pack of has-beens and never-will-be’s into a team of overachieving buzz-saws, at least for the season that each spends on Itchie’s roster.  Geez, Louise.  And why Itchie, and not the rest of us?  I guess when you live your life at the foot of the Cross, good things happen to you. 

**

A poignant example of Itchie Magic is his current catcher situation.  On Draft Day, Itchie waits until the 21st Round to draft a catcher, and then picks up a slug (A.J. Pierzynski).  Then in the free agent draft on April 18th, Itchie drops Pierzynski and picks up grizzled veteran Greg Zaun, probably a career Mendoza-line hitter, who suddenly turns into Johnny Bench and starts scoring points by the bushel-basketful  Then, Zaun goes down with a fairly significant injury, which conveniently happens on a Sunday afternoon, allowing Itchie to pick up a new catcher in that night’s free agent draft, one A.J. Pierzynski.  Pierzynski, not exactly a household name among catchers, suddenly decides he’s Roy Campanella and hits home runs four days in a row, and I think five days out of six, and if I’m not mistaken, he was Itchie’s leading point-getter last week.  He has 87.5 points for the Skipjacks in two weeks of play, and is averaging 4.0 PPG for him.  He is now the 6th rated league catcher with a total of 143 points.  So how do you fight that kind of luck?  The answer is, you can’t.  Itchie’s the kind of guy who could fall off a horse in a pasture full of cow manure, and end up discovering the site of the world’s next great gold rush.  Uncanny.  The guy’s been fired (okay, laid off) from more jobs than exist in some small countries, yet has enough scratch to gamble away more each year than most of us earn on a per annum basis.

**

My team’s Week 7 resurgence only managed to get my hopes up, and then this week I am being pistol-whipped back into reality.  Last night (Tuesday), I not only took another bruising from my ace reliever, Brad Lidge, but also saw my 12 starting hitters go a collective 5-for-44, with four runs scored, one extra base hit (a triple), and one RBI to go with one error.  The net total points from these 12 came to a whopping 2.5.  There’s nothing quite as fun as seeing six of your twelve starting hitters register negative numbers for the night.  Oh, for a little bit of that Itchie Magic.