Quick, Down and Dirty

(no, it's not Itchie's autobiography)

A little past 8:00 p.m. on Sunday, I read the Bullpen and realized that I had been appointed the guest writer.  Thanks for the call, Skipperdoodle.  I have barely learned to speak and walk again after the yeager bomb attack in St. Louis and Jacko wants me to write something.  Come on, have a heart, Bubblebutt!

Palm Springs, California

As I write this, I am in a Hyatt in downtown Palm Springs (107° today) and right outside my door Mouse's twin older brother is singing "Brandy".  This whole city is full of smelly, hairy, wrinkled, old people with far too little clothing on their shriveled bodies.  Lovely, just lovely.  Where's my yeager bomb?

Wang Envy (Revisited)

Ted, you blew up at my trade with Drews like Blongo yelling at an old woman carrying a toy poodle in a Padres uniform.  You ranted - yes ranted - on and on and on about the unfairness of Ensberg for Wang.  Ted, you ignorant slut.  It got so screwed on the deal that I feel like ... a door-to-door comb/brush salesman knocking on Itchie's door. Anyway, someone please tell Chicken "Teddy" Little that Ensberg doesn't play anymore and Wang has lost only one game since the trade.  Where's my yeager bomb?

Throw It In the Trunk Mouse!

Ouch!  There I am again on a Sunday night beggin' Blongo to trade a player.  Blongo e-mails me and tells me that his computer doesn't work so he can't do a deal.  When I e-mail back and point out that his computer works just fine because he seems to be receiving and sending e-mails, Blongo sends me another e-mail with the following message:  "static, static, static, shit, shit, shit, static, blue screen, blue screen, blue screen, sex, static, static, static."  So, I look at all the top outfielders again and see "Swisher" is a top ten right fielder with a good point total.  I dropped the Cheetos and shut off Jenna Jamison's new DVD, send a Francoeur/Beckett for Swisher trade offer to Mickey Morris without looking at anything else.  Monday morning, I see that Mouse took the bait and I own Swisher, so I look him up and see that his statistics have been in a free fall since May 23.  Of course, Beckett throws a 3-hit victory that night.  Where's my yeager bomb?

Burstin Big Guy's Bubble

If you add up each team's pitching points and divide the total by that team's innings pitched, you will see that every team is scoring less than ONE POINT per inning.  Sooo, Bone Daddy may have "innings to burn", but at a rate of "point something per inning", Karl ain't got a wild fire blazing; it's more like a fart on a lit match.  The Kittycats could make-up some points, but Big Guy will yet again be denied a title in the modern era.  In any event, the innings limit is about as much fun as the yellow lined penalty box at the entryways in Busch Stadium.

With this limit, next year's draft will not see a starting pitcher taken until Mesa, Wickman, Kolb and whoever KC uses for its 9 save opportunities in 2007, are drafted.  In other words, drafting starting pitchers early, like I did this season is not a winning strategy!  Where's my yeager bomb?

History Lesson - 100 Years Ago

●    In 1906, the Cubs had a 116-36 record and lost the World Series to the "Hitless Wonders" (White Sox).

●    The Season's best were as follows:  

      -  St. Louis's George Stone leads the AL in BA (.358), SA (.501), and total bases (291).

      -  Pittsburgh's Honus Wagner tops the NL in BA (.339), doubles (38), and total bases (237).

      -  New York's Al Orth leads the AL in wins (27) and CGs (36).

      -  Cub Three Finger Brown leads the NL with a 1.04 ERA and 10 shutouts.

      -  Cardinal Jack Taylor's streak of 118 consecutive complete games ends.

      -  On September 1, Joe Harris of Boston and Jack Coombs of the A's duel 24 innings; A's win 4-1.

      -  Doc White of the White Sox leads the league with a 1.52 ERA, walking only 38 in 219 innings.

●    George Stone (1877-1945):   Stone led the AL in hits (187) in 1905 and the next year edged Nap Lajoie for the batting title with .358.  After that, he declined and, not a brilliant fielder, dropped out of the majors.  He later owned the Lincoln, NB, beam and became a minor league president.

History Lesson - 50 Years Ago

●    In 1956, Larsen's perfect was part of Yankees World Series title over the Dodgers.  The season's best were as follows:

      -  Brooklyn's Don Newcombe wins the NL MVP Award.  Newcombe also wins the first-ever Cy Young Award.  (Only one is awarded each year until 1967.)  Newcombe leads the majors in wins (27 and winning percentage (.794).

      -  Yankee Mickey Mantle is AL MVP.  Mantle wins the Triple Crown, hitting .353 with 52 homers and 130 RBI.  Mantle is the first switch-hitter to lead a major league in batting since 1889.  Mantle leads the AL in runs (132), runs produced (210), SA (.705), and total bases (376).

      -  In May, Dale Long of the Pirates hits home runs in an ML-record eight consecutive games.

      -  The Reds' Frank Robinson clubs 38 homers to tie the NL rookie record (also an ML record at the time).  Robinson tops the NL in runs (122) and is named NL Rookie of the Year.

      -  Milwaukee's Hank Aaron wins the NL batting crown (.328).  Aaron tops the NL in hits (200), total bases (340), doubles (34), and runs produced (172).

      -  The Giants' Willie Mays tops the NL with 40 steals, most in the majors since 1944.

      -  On September 21, the Yankees leaves an ML-record 20 men on base in a nine-inning game vs. Boston.

      -  Jim Derrington of the White sox, age 16, becomes the youngest pitcher in this century to start a game.

      -  Brooklyn's Duke Snider tops the NL in homers (43), SA (.598), OBP (.402), and walks (99).

      -  Herb Score wins 20 for Cleveland and tops the majors in Ks (263) and AL in shutouts (five).

      -  Ernie Banks's record streak of 424 consecutive games played to start a career ends (record since broken).

      -  Cleveland once again has three 20-game winners, but finishes second to New York.

      -  White sox Luis Aparicio tops the AL in thefts (21) and is named AL Rookie of the Year.

      -  New York's Whitey Ford leads the AL in winning percentage (.760) and ERA (2.47).

      -  Yankee Yogi Berra tops all hitters in the World Series with a .360 BA and 10 RBI.

●    Dale Long (1926 -          ).  The 6'4" 205-lb Long turned down a contract from the NFL Green Bay Packers to play pro baseball.  He stuck with the Pirates in 1955 after 11 minor league seasons (2 as a home run champ) and lead the NL in triples.  In May 1956, he hit eight homers in eight consecutive games, a record equaled by Don Mattingly in 1987.  Traded to the Cubs in 1957, he found cozy Wrigley Field to his liking, hitting 55 HR over the next three seasons.  In 1958 he caught two games using his first baseman's mitt, becoming the first left-handed catcher since 1906.  In 1959, he tied a then-NL record by hitting back-to-back pinch homers.  He also helped the Yankees down the stretch in 1963 with timely pinch hits.  After his playing career, he worked as a minor league umpire.

Gotta go, my speech therapy session just started. Where’s my yeager bomb?

Curby

P.S.  I took all the history stuff out of books that I will credit later.