FTB 21

To my beloved baseball brethren:

At great personal risk to myself, and motivated solely by my love of my fellow league owners and my knowledge of their aching need for information, I give you now the standings for the Hot Stove League for the week just finished and the Week 16 point totals and the “Points Behind” totals.

STANDINGS THROUGH WEEK 16

1.	Wahoos	8124.1
2.	West Des Moines Cubs	7589.0
3.	Lincoln Chiefs	7565.3
4.	Omaha Highlanders	7361.9
5.	Millard Monarchs	7312.8
6.	Itch's Bitches	6832.5
7.	Omaha Bronx Bombers	6790.9
8.	Redbirds	6696.4
9.	Malden Missiles	6680.2
10.	Lincoln Tribe	6647.8
11.	Kansas City Blues	6613.9
12.	Lincoln Bears	6510.4
13.	Omaha Senators	6459.2

POINT TOTALS FOR WEEK 16

1.	Wahoos	599.5
5.	Millard Monarchs	545.3
6.	Itch's Bitches	522.2
9.	Malden Missiles	513.8
8.	Redbirds	501.2
12.	Lincoln Bears	477.6
4.	Omaha Highlanders	473.0
11.	Kansas City Blues	455.9
10.	Lincoln Tribe	445.8
3.	Lincoln Chiefs	431.6
2.	West Des Moines Cubs	427.3
7.	Omaha Bronx Bombers	359.4
13.	Omaha Senators	351.5

POINTS BEHIND THE TEAM ONE SPOT AHEAD

1.	Wahoos
2.	West Des Moines Cubs	535.1
3.	Lincoln Chiefs	23.7
4.	Omaha Highlanders	203.4
5.	Millard Monarchs	49.1
6.	Itch's Bitches	480.3
7.	Omaha Bronx Bombers	41.6
8.	Redbirds	94.5
9.	Malden Missiles	16.2
10.	Lincoln Tribe	32.4
11.	Kansas City Blues	33.9
12.	Lincoln Bears	103.5
13.	Omaha Senators	51.2

How did I manage to get this information to you? Here is my story: Drawing upon my distant memory of the survival skills taught to me as a young lad on a Cub Scout camping trip with my dad Edson the Second serving as Scoutmaster and Troop Survivalist Potentate, and burnished recently by my viewing of a 7-DVD Bear Grylls’ Modern Day Survival Skills for the Pampered and Pasty Upper Crust set,

I rose early one morning this week, without benefit of alarm clock since our spartan vacation cabin has no electricity, cable, internet or running water, and set out to find the nearest ranger’s station where I might transmit this missive to my baseball brethren. Roughing it across the wild and treacherous Idaho terrain, feeding only on grubs, worms and native vegetation, I fought off all obstacles which conspired to keep me from making my appointed round, including bears, coyotes, rattlesnakes, muskrats, angry soccer moms in SUVs, and even a gigantic male Idaho opossum in heat who was determined to make me his bitch.

Exhausted and exasperated but undeterred, I arrived at the base of the 2706-foot high Potato Falls Ranger Station located somewhere in the state of Idaho, the exact location of which I am not authorized to disclose, and I then attached the suction cup climbing devices to my shoes and elbows and began inching my way up the tower. Dodging sniper fire from the apprentice ranger, who did not recognize me from previous encounters, I finally made my way inside the station and was greeted warmly by Ranger Carl “Spud” Chandler, the long-time head of the Potato Falls Station. After sharing with Ranger Carl a brief 30-minute reversion to the mean analysis centered on forest regrowth, and after receiving a stern warning from my dear friend that some recent reports of loud guffawing from the northernmost reaches of the territory have been linked to me, I convinced him to employ his telegraph machine to send my newsletter data to Linda for publication to all of you.

Signing off from Potato Falls, I remain

Inscrutably yours,

Possum