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BEST
TRIP
EVER!
Brethren:
For
those
of
you
who
missed
the
27th
Annual
Hot
Stove
League
Trip,
you
won’t
ever
want
to
miss
one
again.
While
I am
sworn
to
secrecy
as
to
those
certain
components
of
the
2011
Trip
which
led
to
the
“Best
Trip
Ever”
tag
line,
I
will
share
with
you
now
a
few
of
the
less-monumental
but
still
important
and
rewarding
moments
and
highlights
from
this
year’s
junket:
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The look of relief on B.T.’s mug after he was able to find us at the airport for the start of our Trip, in spite of multiple memory breakdowns, sparing him the embarrassment of having to ask the airport security to page his pals by their Delta Chi nicknames: Shamu, Big Guy, Skipper and Stretch McBlunder. (Maybe one of these days he can get everyone’s first and last name and cell phone number into his own cell phone in case of just such an emergency.)
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Friday afternoon burgers and beers on the rooftop terrace of the highly-regarded Sports Column Restaurant across from the Coors Field.
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Securing primo ducats for the Friday night’s game in Section 126, Row 14, on the aisle, behind home plate, and B.T.’s favorite feature, six seats to a row and aisles on either side.
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Ice Cream.
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Witnessing Trent Oeltjen’s inside-the-park home run after Dimwit Dexter’s diving miss of a line-drive.
Oeltjen collides with Rockies catcher Chris Iannetta
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Experiencing the instantaneous change in Shamu’s disposition from sunny and bright to dark and disconsolate after his attempt to go nil in spades went south on the very first trick.
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Speculating about Big Guy’s excellent opportunity to catch a foul ball that landed mere feet behind him, prompting his protestation that, “Nobody told me to go for it!” (Been married a long time, haven’t you, Rick?)
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The look of sheer childlike joy on Shamu’s face when he learned that they were giving away Tulo bobblehead dolls to the first 5000 arrivals at Saturday’s game (later leading to his utter despair when he clicked through the turnstiles at Fan No. 5003).
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Our Magnificent Saturday morning breakfast at Sam’s, followed by our Stupendous Sunday morning breakfast feast at, yes, Sam’s. (When you have a winning formula, why go away from it?)
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Watching McJester’s boy, Rubby, get rubbed up by the Dodgers, who scattered 12 hits against him in 6 innings.
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Seeing the game go into extra innings after the teams were tied at 4 at the end of regulation, and then watching in amazement as the Dodgers’ 5-foot-2 sparkplug, Aaron Miles, cracked his second home run of the season to unlock the tie.
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Watching Saturday’s game from rock star seats in Section 137 along the third base line, precisely even with the pitching mound, 8 or 9 rows behind the Dodgers’ visitors’ dugout (and in the shade, and at face value, no less!).
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Watching in awe one of the greatest at-bats of all time by Todd Helton who fouled off 8 two-strike pitches from Dodgers’ stopper Javy Guerra before lining a double to right field to score Dexter Fowler and to help set up the tying run. This prolific at-bat occurred on Helton’s 38th birthday, and kept the Rockies in the game until they could muster up the winning run in the bottom of the 13th. A Hall of Fame at-bat, for sure.
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Apart
from
the
above,
perhaps
the
most
memorable
event
of
the
weekend
occurred
as
we
were
walking
back
from
the
saloons
and
taverns
on
Friday
evening,
making
our
way
toward
our
hotel
on a
side
street
littered
with
vagabonds
and
homeless
types.
As
we
walked,
a
heckler
among
the
downtrodden
suddenly
and
without
provocation
barked
out
to
one
of
us,
“Wow,
how’d
you
get
to
be
so
CORN-FED?”
Rather
than
respond
with
a
stinging
riposte
or a
flurry
of
fisticuffs,
the
member
of
our
quintet
to
whom
this
barb
was
directed
merely
kept
his
nose
pointed
forward
and
his
feet
moving,
effectively
turning
the
other
cheek.
Or,
at
our
ages,
maybe
he
simply
did
not
hear
him.
No
matter.
Still
the
stuff
of
legends.
GANG
OF
FIVE
Congratulations
and
thanks
to
the
five
Hot
Stove
League
stalwarts
who
made
time
away
from
family
and
friends
and
work
obligations
and
other
stuff
to
attend
the
27th
Annual
Hot
Stove
League
Trip:
B.T.
Big
Guy
Shamu
Stretch
Skipper
Well
done,
men.
It
is
good
to
be
able
to
call
you
friends.
Thanks
for
helping
to
keep
this
great
skein
alive.
EXCUSES,
EXCUSES
Of
the
eight
league
members
who
did
not
make
this
year’s
Trip,
there
were
some
very
legitimate
excuses
for
some,
and
some
entirely
lame
excuses
for
others.
As
best
we
can
tell
here
at
From
the
Bullpen,
the
following
is
an
unofficial
roster
of
non-attendees
and
their
excuses:
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Itchie: |
Decided to rush a frat at UNL with his best friend Dean while allegedly assisting Zack in moving into the dorms.
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SloPay: |
Committed to follow-up survey work for the Michelle Bachman campaign in the aftermath of the Iowa caucuses.
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Possum: |
Unable to attend because of conflicting trip to Kansas City for a Royals-Red Sox baseball game, possibly as part of Possum’s involvement in another fantasy league in a parallel universe (in which all of the owners appear to be creations of Pablo Picasso).
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Mouse: |
Detained in Norway as a “person of interest” in the recent mass slaying.
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Screech: |
Still suffering from dysentery after a three-week long trip to Bangladesh (or was it Marrakesh?).
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Magpie: |
Reportedly traveling to India or China or Indochina with ESPN reporter Shelley Smith in search of a heartwarming sports story.
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Jim-Ed: |
Reportedly sighted in Sandusky, Ohio at the world-famous Cedar Point Amusement Park, trying out the rollercoaster and matching wits with the carnival barker who runs the basketball shooting contest.
(Is Tirebiter trying to compensate for something?)
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UBelly: |
Allegedly too busy running the Krause empire and personally cleaning the ArtFX screenprinting screens to attend.
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So
you
can
see,
it
is a
busy,
diverse
group,
and
so
perhaps
we
should
feel
lucky
that
five
of
us
were
able
to
make
the
Trip.
That
said,
next
year
we
need
to
get
the
Trip
on
the
calendar
early,
and
to
commit
to
having
as
many
of
us
attend
as
we
can.
The
fellowship,
fun
and
relaxation
is
simply
too
much
to
be
missed.
NEXT
YEAR:
MIAMI?
It
was
unanimously
agreed
by
all
of
the
2011
Trip
attendees
that
we
will
venture
to
Miami
next
year
for
the
annual
HSL
Trip,
allowing
us
all
to
add
a
new
ballpark
to
our
resumes.
We
decided
that
we
should
try
to
book
this
trip
early,
like
for
the
month
of
April,
when
the
weather
in
Miami
will
be
far
preferable
to
that
in
Omaha,
and
before
most
of
us
are
caught
up
in
busy
summer
schedules.
I
have
already
blocked
off
the
last
two
weeks
of
April
2012
from
my
calendar
so
that
nothing
will
prevent
me
from
going
on
the
Trip.
I
highly
recommend
that
each
of
you
do
the
same.
Right
now,
I
mean!
Do
it!
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And
finally,
in
closing,
I
share
with
you
just
a
few
photographs
from
the
2011
Trip.
It
was
great
to
be
part
of
it.
Skipper
BT:
Where
the
hell
is
that
beer
I
ordered
two
minutes
ago.
Stretch:
Is
that
really
our
waitress,
topless?
All
better.
The
Gang
of 5
Keeps
the
Skein
Alive.
Another
B.T.
Senior
Moment:
(Why
am I
here
and
who
are
these
four
nice
fellas
who
keep
hanging
around?
Drinking
to
forget
the
“corn-fed”
crack?
B.T.:
“I’m
sorry,
what
was
your
name
again?”
What
exactly
is
Shamu’s
right
hand
doing?
Now
that’s
a
dog,
eh,
Stretch?
Saturday,
at
the
Park.
“Are
you
going
to
finish
that
plate
of
nachos,
miss?”
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