2015 Season Edition No. 18 August 10, 2015
Letís get this toaster in the bathtub. I feel like Iím reporting on someone elseís family reunion and looking up in the standing gives my trifocals a workout, but Iím a team player so I will fulfill my obligation. Barely. First things first: Welcome back, Linda! You are the glue that holds this league together and you have been sorely missed, your contributions to this league over the years have been nothing short of remarkable. Now that youíre back at the editorís desk we can continue on with some semblance of normality.
I havenít been running my team for a while now so I really canít take all the credit for their dismal showing or any success they may have had. Iíve got an apprentice trying his hand at it and so far there have been mixed results. Back in June I was bored and was looking at my team and decided what the hell, Iíll take a run at Jeffís team just for something to do. I was sitting on a ton of innings and thought maybe it would be fun to run up and catch him and then let him get out ahead again and then do it all over just to help pass the summer.
Satan must have got to thinking that his boys were getting a little bored and so he took an interest in fantasy baseball and a special interest in my team. Some of the guests have been bugging him about getting a fantasy league started down there. Pol Pot and Sam Kinison have been playing catch with a lava rock in the back room. Seems Olí Pol has got quite the arm, submariner, whoída thought. Joan Rivers and Junior Samples from Hee Haw ( I thought he was a little sketchy) have also shown an interest in joining. I can tell you the exact day that Satan took over my team, June 25th sometime between 9 am and 4 pm Central Daylight Time. An argument can made for an earlier involvement, like draft day perhaps, but itís a blurry line between what subliminal suggestions he may have whispered in my ear and my usual lack of preparedness. He does like Wil Myers for some reason, so that suggestion could have come to me with a ďsouthernĒ accent. Yet I am sure that the 25th of June was a turning point.
I checked my team early that morning as per usual. On that day everything was quiet on the western front. As always my first stop was to check the hitters, which didnít reveal any surprises: 11 points-- a double, 1 RBI, a couple of walks, a combined 4 for 38-- nothing out of the normal there. Next stop the pitchers: None going-- a couple in my minors threw no-hitters, still nothing out of the normal. To make a run at 12th I knew I needed to start throwing pitchers out there so that meant I had to cut some driftwood loose. I had been carrying Jon Singleton on my roster for a month and a half with only a couple of info blurbs, most of them stating that he had hit another homer in the minors but his promotion was being blocked by Chris Carter (my guy) and Evan Gattis, but nothing in the past couple of weeks, nothing out of the normal there. So he gets the first pink slip. I need people actually playing at this point.
When I got home from work that day I got back on the computer to check to see who is playing when I see an orange square by Byron Buxtonís name. Hmmm, whatís going on there? Well, it seems that sometime between 9 am and 4 pm Mr. Buxton hurt his wrist to the tune of a projected 30 day stint on the DL.
I donít complain about injuries for 2 reasons: It doesnít help and no one cares. Injuries have always been and will always be a part of fantasy baseball and whether we want to admit it or not there is a certain level of schadenfreude that we all experience when we hear of another team losing a star player to an injury. Thatís just human nature. Nothing is lonelier than enduring an injury to one of your best players, not that Byron Buxton is any big deal, but we are the only person sitting in the waiting room when the doctor comes out and says a player needs Tommy John surgery or he has plantar fasciitis, the other owners donít care, nor should they.
But as I took in the news of Buxtonís injury it was the next orange box, the one by Jon Singletonís name that took me by surpriseÖ.he got called up THAT DAY, minutes after I let him go and it said that he would probably be taking some at bats away from Chris Carter (my guy). Ok, that alone doesnít signal DEFCON 5, It happens. Actually that was probably the 10th time this year that the timing was bordering on the supernatural. By now Iím getting that ďpicked onĒ feeling and it only gets worse. Now Iím curious to see who takes Singleton. Monday June 29th at 4 am in the morning he still shows as being available but only through the waiver wire process-- 4:30 am the sameóat 4:45 heís available as a free agent! So I go to add him and drop another playerÖÖonly the computer wonít let me. It wonít highlight a player to complete the transaction nor can I move a player from my minors to my starting lineup. It must be a problem at Yahoo so I wait until 5:00 am and try again. Nope, now Iím feeling frustration with Yahoo so I try again at 5:15. Nada, but this time heís goneÖDenny got him at 5:13 am. WTF. It turns out my computer had a glitch in it that wouldnít allow me to do certain functionsÖ.just CERTAIN functions mind you and our IT person was on vacation for that week.
Jon Singletonís current or future value is totally irrelevant at this point and, like I said before, injuries really donít bother me that much. But when the Prince of Darkness starts elbowing his way into my biz, itís suddenly personal. I donít know if heís really interested in fantasy baseball and just wants to get his beak wet or he works in the cubicle next to Jeff and theyíve struck up a friendship. So I spent the first part of the season lunging at unobtainable carrots, tip-- toeing through a minefield of computer cow pies, navigating my way through a woeful draft and swatting Luciferís hand away from jamming sticks in my spokes. I would be really pissed if I wasnít already in last place by a large margin when he decided to jump in. So you know what? I decided to let him run it for the remainder of the year. Letís see what heís got. So far itís been a mixed bag, some good days, some bad days, but overall heís doing a better job than I ever did on my own. I hope he has some inside knowledge on Khris Davis that heís keeping to himself. I (we) have sellerís remorse on that one. He scored 21 points THE DAY I (we) released him, far more points than his entire length of stay on the Tribe. He then followed up that feat with another 2 dinger day on Sunday. You canít make this stuff up and Iím pretty sure that wasnít divine intervention, more like meddling from a completely different quadrant. I havenít received any signs as to his future plans, like whether heís going to show up next year to the draft with me or not. If he does Iíll see if heíll spring for the pizza, but I wouldnít hold my breath ÖÖ.heís kind of a dick.
Iíve always felt that life is kind of like bowling. Sometimes you donít get a strike when you think you should have. Sometimes you get one when you didnít deserve one. And over the course of time they all even out, as does everything in life. Yet itís the length of your life and in what order you experience these ďout of your controlĒ events that genuinely determine how things go. Some just donít live long enough for it to equal out--one way or the other. Iím not sure how many lucid years I have left but Iím hopeful a few more ďstrikesĒ are in my future, at least concerning fantasy baseball. Life -wise, as of now anywayÖ..Iím on a roll.
Congratulations to Ted, Scott, Chuck and Mouse for having great seasons. Youíve all done a terrific job.
Good luck to everyone and Iíll see you in the spring where hope springs eternal.