6.    1997:   Pettitte Gate.  The Senators draft both Randy Johnson and Andy Pettitte, significantly depleting the LHP starting pitching pool, and many rounds go by before Skipper realizes and/or admits it.  The Senators go on to win the league.  There is alarmingly little media coverage of the scandal, and Possum’s calls for a bipartisan investigation by Janet Reno are unheeded. (FTB 4/22/97).

7.    2001:  Category point limits, specifically home runs, are blamed for Possum’s panic trade of Bonds, Giambi and Vazquez for Randy Johnson, and the Senators sneak past the Wahoos in the last week for the title.  (FTB 8/30/01).

8.    2002:  The Skipjacks, taking an “all or nothing” approach learned at the craps tables, load up on any and all available starting pitchers and somehow pull off a miracle finish, overtaking the Reds at the wire.  (FTB 10/03/02).

9.    2006:   In the first year of the Yahoo system, the Pirates (Bears) figure out how to game the system and maximize pitching points by stacking his staff with middle relievers and few starters, leading to an overhaul of the rules.  (FTB  02/23/07).

10. 2009:  The Cuban Missile Crisis.  Cool heads prevail and the threat of global destruction passes without further incident.  (FTB  10/16/09).      

TIGERS BECOME RELEVANT FOR 8 DAYS

            From Wednesday, May 16, 2016 through Wednesday, May 24, 2016, the Tigers surprised their owner, themselves and the world by amassing a total of 808.4 points over an eight day period.  You may have noticed the meteoric rise of the team from 11th place to 4th place.  The Tigers averaged over 100 points a night despite an all-time record of 4 losses in one night during the streak (the only time this has happened in the Yahoo era).   What seemed like an unsurpassable deficit of 678.8 points after just five weeks was reduced by almost 300 points in a few weeks.  I can guaran-ass-tee you that this is the hottest my team has ever been.

            Alas and alack, the hot streak has apparently petered out, as I see the boys went 9 for 39 with a single RBI on Monday.  But it was fun while it lasted. 

CHARLES DICKENS’ SPOT-ON VIEW OF THE BRITISH

            I have read several of Charles Dickens’ novels.  One of his recurring themes is the untrustworthy nature of British servants, which he often describes from the naïve view point of the protagonist who has suffered some chicanery or graft.  This is one of my favorite passages, when David Copperfield, a lad of about 10 or 11, is on a journey to a boarding school, and the coach in which he is traveling stops along the way for dinner.  This is the young boy’s description of his exchange with the British waiter who brings him his food and drink:    

pp. 73-77:

He brought me some chops, and vegetables, and took the covers off in such a bouncing manner that I was afraid I must have given him some offence.  But he greatly relieved my mind by putting a chair for me at the table, and saying, very affably, “Now, six-foot! Come on!”

I thanked him, and took my seat at the board; but found it extremely difficult to handle my knife and fork with anything like dexterity, or to avoid splashing myself with the gravy, while he was standing opposite, staring so hard, and making me blush in the most dreadful manner every time I caught his eye.  After watching me into the second chop, he said:

“There’s half a pint of ale for you.  Will you have it now?”

I thanked him and said, “Yes.”  Upon which he poured it out of a jug into a large tumbler, and held it up against the light, and made it look beautiful.

“My eye!” he said.  “It seems a good deal, don’t it?”

“It does seem a good deal,” I answered with a smile.  For it was quite delightful to me to find him so pleasant.  He was a twinkling-eyed, pimple-faced man, with his hair standing upright all over his head; and as he stood with one arm a-kimbo, holding up the glass to the light with the other hand, he looked quite friendly.

“There was a gentleman here, yesterday,” he said – “a stout gentleman, by the name of Topsawyer – perhaps you know him!”

“No,” I said, “I don’t think ---“

“In breeches and gaiters, broad-brimmed hat, grey coat, speckled choker,” said the waiter.

“No,” I said bashfully, “I haven’t the pleasure – “

“He came in here,” said the waiter, looking at the light through the tumbler, “ordered a glass of this ale – would order it – I told him not – drank it, and fell dead.  It was too old for him.  It oughtn’t to be drawn; that’s the fact.”

I was very much shocked to hear of this melancholy accident, and said I thought I had better have some water.

“Why you see,” said the waiter, still looking at the light through the tumbler, with one of his eyes shut up, “our people don’t like things being ordered and left.  It offends ‘em.  But I’ll drink it, if you like.  I’m used to it, and use is everything.  I don’t think it’ll hurt me, if I throw my head back, and take it off quick.  Shall I?”

I replied that he would much oblige me by drinking it, if he thought he could do it safely, but by no means otherwise.  When he did throw his head back, and take it off quick, I had a horrible fear, I confess, of seeing him meet the fate of the lamented Mr. Topsaywer, and fall lifeless on the carpet.  But it didn’t hurt him.  On the contrary, I thought he seemed the fresher for it.

“What have we got here?” he said, putting a fork into my dish.  “Not chops?”

“Chops,” I said.

“Lord bless my soul!” he exclaimed, “I didn’t know they were chops.  Why, a chop’s the very thing to take off the bad effects of that beer!  Ain’t it lucky?”

So he took a chop by the bone in one hand, and a potato in the other, and ate away with a very good appetite, to my extreme satisfaction.  He afterwards took another chop, and another potato; and after that another chop and another potato.  When he had done, he brought me a pudding, and having set it before me, seemed to ruminate, and to become absent in his mind for some moments.

. . .

That is all for this year.  Good luck to all, and maybe you will enjoy a hot streak like I did that will keep your hopes for this season alive.