Gentlemen,

 

I’ve wrapped up my 30-year study on luck vs. preparation; the results are in and are not what I had hoped for. It seems that study, preparation and dedication have won out, as witnessed by the usual suspects that appear at the top of the standings year after year. I’m pretty much committed to the lottery ticket theory which I have embraced for the past 31 years, so actually doing a study was a chore in itself. As the years tick off, the excitement of another season never loses its appeal and April can’t get here quick enough. I always feel I scratched off some pretty good names after the draft but things are never as good as they look, or as bad as they seem. So we’ll see how this year goes.

 

SCOTT has his work cut out for him this year as no one has repeated in the live ball era. If his season -ending celebrations tell us anything it’s that we are all secretly pulling for him…every year. Knowing SCOTT, just the thought of doing something that hasn’t been done should be incentive enough for him; he’s kind of wired that way. If he won, it’s not like it wouldn’t be expected, like the suicide gunshots firing off at a Sarah McLachlan concert. Every one of her songs sounds like she’s pleading the case of dogs and cats at the homeless shelter. I was listening to a song with her and Carlos Santana and halfway through the song he just quits. I don’t know if he just got bored and walked off the stage or shot himself. A repeat of the beer tour and dinner at MoMo’s would be awesome. It’s nice to know that even at 60 years of age I can still experience new things in life. Although it wasn’t until after I choked down that first bone that I heard Chef Flintstone instruct us to eat just the marrow of the bones in our salad. Viva La Difference.

 

So, for the good of the league I will continue to put out minimal effort just in case the planets were to align themselves in such a way that luck would somehow shove me into the winners circle and cause us all to suffer a pitiful year end celebration. Winning would be a losing proposition for me unless we up the buy-in ante and again that would be a losing proposition for me. I don’t like where this is going….for me.

 

TED will boldly proclaim that he knew about the breakout season that his good players will have, while boldly proclaiming that anyone having a good season that is not on his team is playing way above their expectations, and finally, boldly proclaim that anyone not having a breakout season on his team is the victim of the remorseless baseball Gods that only visit him. Whew! I boldly proclaim he will be right there again this year. He is a terrific judge of timing and talent.

 

CHUCK shuffles the deck like a Las Vegas dealer with Parkinson’s. Somehow it works and it works year after year. Sorry, too much effort for me………waaaaay too much effort. I noticed that CHUCK led the league last year with a total of 7,599 at bats and I brought up the rear with a total of 6,462-- a difference of 1,137 at bats. My study, preparation and dedication departments have informed me that this may be significant and that 1,137 missing at bats are the direct result of not paying attention 1,137 times. On the other hand my blind ass luck department has advised me to stay the course, which of course I will.

 

MITCH is a relentless obligation. He’s a car payment, he’s trash day and he’s a dental appointment hanging on the refrigerator. Ignore him and your car is gone, you’re stacking trash bags and you need a root canal. He’s that guy who replaces his water heater because it’s 15 years old and it’s due and I’m the guy that spends the money on a drone I can’t fly from Sharper Image. One of us made a huge mistake and the other guy is setting himself up for the future. Can you guess who is who?
 

I kind of like JOHNNY’S approach. He sits down to the table, gets his chips and immediately shoves them into the center and proclaims “All in.” Live large or go home. It’s either a hundred ccs of luck, study and adrenalin or a bubble in the syringe. He might want to give that needle a little flick now and then; there have been more air bubble lows than adrenalin highs for him lately.

 

THE REST OF US are fillers, pot builders, butts in the chairs around the round table of pipe dreams, playing keno with all its endless combinations, hoping that our blind ass luck department happens to hit on all cylinders, which thank God does happen once in a while, which is good. Many of you are numbers guys, you like comparing and dissecting past years numbers to use in forecasting a hypothesis on the upcoming season. Last year I took a day off of work just to stare at and compare endless statistics that I enjoy about as much as a cold toilet seat on a winter day.

 

Mothers let your sons grow up to be catchers

 

 

Do major league umpires get double time for Sundays? I’m just curious because over the past 30 some years I’m pretty sure I’ve never had a catcher actually play on Sunday….EVER. I’ve always thought that the umpire probably just lets the pitch hit him in the chest protector, calls the pitch, than chases down the ball and throws it back to the pitcher and there is a gentleman’s agreement throughout the league that nobody can steal….just on Sundays. Last year at one point I had 2 catchers on the Rockies and on Sunday they played their 3rd catcher….who carries 3 catchers and why would you play him? I’ve nicknamed my catchers “Malcomb” because they always have an X beside their name. I guess they just don’t roll on the Sabbath. I’m starting to get where those 1,137 at bats went.

 

 

MITCH, there will be no water heaters in the future, get on board (and show me how to run one of these things).

 

 

You can usually trace the traits of successful people to three or four things that they do very well, and remember: “It ain’t bragging if you can back it up.” I don’t want to sound boastful but I can do these three things with frightening consistency.

 

Fail to snap the 4th corner of

Tupperware containers…….Check

 

 

 

Forget to check pants pockets for

Kleenex’s in the washer and dryer……Check and Check

 

 

 

Savvy scratching……

Check, Check and Check

 

 

A famous American folk hero once said: “You’re a parent, I’m a Colonel; we’re both busy people, so pick up my new hand-prepared $20 fill-up meal of 8 pieces of original chicken, 2 large mashed potatoes and gravy, a large coleslaw and 4 biscuits, and I’ll get back to you.” We are indeed busy people and I’m going to heed the Colonel’s advice and do just that. Bones and all. Bon appetite.

 

See you in April.